# 1- HOW TO START A CONVERSATION AND MAKE FRIENDS ( TIPS )

HOW TO START A CONVERSATION AND MAKE FRIENDS ( TIPS )

* Starting Your Conversations with Confidence

#1 First Contact— Body Language

It's a luxury to be understood,

-Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), American poet and essayist

One of our most important conversational skills doesn't

come from our tongue, but from our body, Research has

shown that over half of face-to-face conversation is nonverbal.

"Body language," as it is called, often communicates our

feelings and attitudes before we speak, and it projects our

level of receptivity to others.

Most poor conversationalists don't realize that their nonreceptive

body language (crossed arms, little eye contact, and

no smiling) is often the cause of short and unsustained conversations.

We are judged quickly by the first signals we give

off, and if the first impressions are not open and friendly, it's

going to be difficult to maintain a good conversation. The following

"softening" techniques can make your first impressions

work/or you, not against you.

S-0-F-T-E-N

A "softener" is a nonverbal gesture that will make people

more responsive and receptive to you. Since your body language

speaks before you do, it is important to project a

receptive image. When you use open body language, you are

already sending the signal: "I'm friendly and willing to

"S-0-F-T-E-N" Your Body Language

                                                      S-SMILE

                                                      O-OPEN ARMS

                                                      F-FORWARD LEANS

                                                      T-TOUCH

                                                      E-EYE CONTACT

                                                      N-NOD

Use your body language to break down the natural barriers that separate strangers.

communicate, if you are." Each letter in S-O-F-T-E-N represents

a specific nonverbal technique for encouraging others to talk

with you.

S= Smile

A pleasant smile is a strong indication of a friendly and open

attitude and a willingness to communicate. It is a receptive,

nonverbal signal sent with the hope that the other person

will smile back. When you smile, you demonstrate that you

have noticed the person in a positive manner

0=Open Arms

The letter O in S-O-F-T-E-N stands for open arms. You've

probably been welcomed with "open arms," which, of

course, means that a person was glad to see you. At a party or

in another social or business situation, open arms suggests

that you are friendly and available for contact. During a conversation,

open arms makes others feel that you are receptive

and listening.

f= Forward lean

The letter F in S-O-F-T-E-N means forward lean. Leaning forward

slightly while a person is talking to you indicates interest

on your part, and shows you are listening to what the

person is saying. This is usually taken as a compliment by the

other person, and will encourage him to continue talking

*Leaning baek gives off signals of

disinterest and even boredom.

*Leaning forward says: "I'm interested

in what you're saying."

T= Teach

The letter T in S-O-F-T-E-N stands for touch. In our culture. the

most acceptable form of first contact between two people

who are just meeting is a warm handshake. This is usually

true when meeting members of the same or opposite sex—

and not just in business, but in social situations, too. In nearly

every situation, a warm and firm handshake is a safe way of

showing an open and friendly attitude toward the people

you meet.

E = Eye Contact ( IMPORTANT )

The letter E in S-O-F-T-E-N represents eye contact. Perhaps

the strongest of the nonverbal gestures are sent through the

eyes. Direct eye contact indicates that you are listening to the

other person, and that you want to know about her. Couple

eye contact with a friendly smile,and you'll send this unmistakable

messages "I'd like to talk to you. and maybe get to

know you better."

Eye contact should be natural and not forced or overdone.

It is perfectly okay to have brief periods of eye contact while

you observe other parts of the person's face—particularly

the mouth. When the person smiles, be sure to smile back.

*Eye contact shows that you are listening and taking an interest in what is

said. It sends the signal: "I'm listening—keep talking!"

N = Nod

The letter N in S-O-F-T-E-N stands for nod. A nod of the head

indicates that you are listening and that you understand what

A nod of the head shows you are listening and understand what is being said. It

sends the message: "I hear you, go on!" A blank stare suggests your thoughts

are elsewhere.

is being said. It usually signals approval and encourages the

other person to continue talking. A nod of the head, coupled

with a smile and a friendly hello, is an excellent way of greeting

people on the street, or anywhere else, like all the other

softening gestures, it sends the same message; "I'm friendly

and willing to communicate."